A Promise From God- 1/21/12

8 For I will bring them from the north
and from the distant corners of the earth.
I will not forget the blind and lame,
the expectant mothers and women in labor.
A great company will return!9 Tears of joy will stream down their faces,
and I will lead them home with great care.
They will walk beside quiet streams
and on smooth paths where they will not stumble.
For I am Israel’s father.

Jeremiah 31:6-8

As of Jan 18th: Officially on the Waitlist!!!

A New Year Every Day

So here it comes, 2012. A new year, a fresh start. In reality the only real change is the date I’ll write on checks, and inevitably I’ll mess it up and have to scratch out the 11 and put 12. But somehow it feels so significant when a new year begins, and it has since the beginning of time, or since the beginning of calendars.  We all feel this sense of hope-a do-over. I get to try again. I get to hope for more in my life, I get to pursue change and the betterment of myself. I do feel all those things. But this year is different.

Never in my life have I understood how completely lacking and unable I am to change absolutely anything about myself on my own. I am pathetic. I am slave to my will and emotions, to food and money, to my desires both good and bad…or let’s just say it- evil.  The moment I say “I’ll never…” is the moment I am all ready defeated. Without fail, when I decide to make a change for myself whether it’s the usual eat less, exercise more, or be more loving, more kind; I find myself doing the opposite. I am usually fully aware of my weakness and spiral into shame and anger. It’s so very sad. And so very repetitive.

It wasn’t until I went through a program called Celebrate Recovery that I learned to surrender this lie called “willpower” and just admit that left to my own devices I will fail. Every time. I will fail. I will pursue the things I shouldn’t, telling myself I deserve it, that it won’t hurt anyone. I hunger for the wrong things on a daily basis. I am unable to change that in myself. It’s depressing and honestly when you think of it, it makes you despair that you will never see real change.

But I do not live in dispair. I use to, that’s for sure. I now live in the reality that my Savior took responsibility for every selfish, humiliating thing I have ever consciously or unconsciously done. (And believe me, there have been some shameful things.)  It’s like I have a New Year’s Day do-over every single day. I don’t look forward to tomorrow as a new start. My new start begins every time I say, “Help me, Jesus! I can’t do this without You!”

I pray that in 2012 my love will increase first for Jesus, then for others. I pray that I will grow in kindness and generosity. That I will not be blind, but recognize needs that others may have and offer hope.  I pray that I will be a more patient mother, a more faithful friend and a really, really hot wife. Jusss kidding. {Not really.}

I don’t say these things to pressure myself into finding the right formula for motivation. Jesus is enough. He is the one who denomastrates true love then lives it through me. He is the one who opens my eyes to see other’s needs then gives me the tools to help. He is the one who I bow down to and serve, not food and certainly not my bathroom scale. He is the one who I will pursue each day, and at the end of 2012 I will be a better, different person (maybe even a hotter wife), not because I am that strong, but because He is that good.

Happy New Year, friends. Let’s make our only goal to find our full satisfaction in Jesus alone.

love. xx

 

 

Hurry Up and Wait

It has been 77 days since we {officially} began our adoption process and, man, am I tired. I think I’ve actually been tired for a while and just realized it today, as the dust is settling.

I have been functioning purely on adrenaline for weeks now.  The mix of sickening fear and unbridled excitement has been the gas in my tank helping me tick off the boxes on my to do list with fury.  So.so.many.boxes.

Today I printed our completed dossier, carefully checking that every name included our middle names, removing any inaccurate dates and organizing every page into correct order.  Everything is finished, save one employment verification that I may literally go insane if I don’t hear back about soon…you know who you are….

Our home study is COMPLETE (wahOO!), and being sent in to the state tomorrow. In the meantime we submit our dossier to our adoption agency where the in-house “Dossier Expert” reviews it and let’s us know if there needs to be any changes.  I feel like I am back in school praying for an A+, when in reality I am a B- kinda student. Hopefully in this case it’ll be different. I have worked so hard on this dossier and all I want to hear is “This is the best dossier that we have ever seen in the history of this adoption agency, actually in the history of adoption! You must be the most wonderful and responsible wife and mother ever. Ethiopia would be crazy not to give you a baby!”  That’s all.

Hope my expectations aren’t too high.

The dossier is honestly the only thing that’s in any way in our (my) control in this process. If I can complete something within hours of it being in my hands, than I’ll do it, and I know that will not be the case for the rest of the people who will handle our adoption. To them it’s one of thousands-to me it is the only one on the whole earth that matters.  Our adoption could take up to 2 years, so if I can possibly shave off one day, or even one hour, of that wait, then I will. I will rush around to the post office, to the bank, to the church, to the adoption agency. I will furiously check my emails and reply with lightening speed. I will stay up late into the night printing documents that will not be seen for weeks.  All so I can be done with what I can do as fast as humanly possible knowing that I will hand these same documents into government systems that seem to pride themselves on being as slow as humanly possible. It’s all a big game of Hurry Up and Wait. And I hate that game.

Here it is, my pride and joy.

So, what kind of money are we talkin’ about?

I thought it may be helpful to post a breakdown of our adoption costs.  If you are thinking about adoption and what the actual cost is, keep in mind these numbers are different depending on which adoption agency you use. We aren’t posting our adoption agency by name on our blog so we remain more anonymous, but if you would like to know leave a comment with your email and I’ll send it to you.

Application Fee $175

Home Study Fee $1350

State Approval Fee $175

Post Adoption Fee $900

1st Agency Fee $2150

2nd Agency Fee $2150

Dossier Authentication Fee $525

Ethiopian Country Fee $7500

In Country Fee $700

TOTAL $15,700

We have also paid $66 for CO state approvals, $50 for fingerprinting, $270 for passport renewals, $400 for blood work, $18 for police clearance records. $804 total.

We will pay for 2 flights to Ethiopia which will be around $1500/person per trip- $6000 total. We’re hoping for help with our flights- buddy passes or donated mileage.

Some other costs we need to consider are travel costs, multiple Dr appointments when our baby is home, and just normal baby stuff (crib, clothes, diapers, formula, ect.) I’d say this will be around $1000.

TOTAL: $23,504

So far we have paid $3275 and have had over $4000 in donations. Can you believe that?!?!? AMAZING!

We have also raised $250 through our Etsy page  So that is exciting too!

We need to pay a remaining $3225 in the next 2 weeks in order to be placed on the waiting list. Good thing we have our fundraiser Christmas party this Sunday. Just in time!

All the glory goes to God, who pours out grace and provision every step of the way.

He is faithful.

Advice to New (Int’l) Adoptive Parents

As we continue our adoption journey I’ve picked up some things along the way that I think may be helpful for people just starting out.  Things that I’m lucky to have been told or just learned, not because I’m that smart, but because God is just that great.

1. Before you start any part of adoption- PRAY and HEAR from God that He is calling you to be adoptive parents. The road of adopting is much too long to not know for sure. When things seem impossible you need to have the assurance and peace that God has brought you to this place and He will see it through. If He is calling you to adopt He will make it clear so be patient until He does.

2. Research adoption agencies before choosing one. It’s a really exciting moment when you make that final decision to adopt and it’s easy to commit to the first agency you find, but it is important to read reviews and ask lots of questions beforehand. If you are adopting from Ethiopia then make sure to talk with your agency about which orphanages they bring children from and how they are run- who staffs them, will your money go to them, have they been examined by MOWA…? Ask for a breakdown of costs or a payment schedule to see how much is expected in total, when it’s due and what it’s for.  Some agencies ask for $10,000 within 90 days of agreeing to adopt through them. I don’t know about you, but we found this next to impossible.  Our agency we use we found to be much more reasonable in their costs.

3. Once you start your adoption process you are flooded by task lists to do. Before you do anything get your fingerprints done and send away for passports (if you need one or yours needs to be renewed. Keep in mind it needs to have your married name on it if it is old).  Fingerprints can take 6 weeks and you can’t even submit your home study until they have been approved so this is the FIRST thing you should do.

4. Read tons of blogs about adoption. They are informative and encouraging. Seeing pictures of forever families hugging and smiling with their precious, new kiddos is the greatest motivator when it seems like your baby will never be home.

3. Be excited. Share the news. It’s tempting with how long the process is to not want to tell anyone you are adopting. When else do you announce news that could take up to 2 years to be seen? But to you it feels like your pregnant, you are an expecting mama. Your heart is filled with love and joy for this future child and it’s OK to shout it from the rooftops! Adoption is NOT second best. It is not the sad alternative to a biological child. In your heart you feel just as in love with this child you don’t know yet as if you were pregnant.  There is no shame, only hope and love. Be just as proud as if you had a big ol’ belly to show off.

4. Find community. Gather people around you who are going to support you and pray for you all the way through to the bitter end. Update them on how things are going and what your needs are. Adoption should not be something that is done in secret. You need supportive community in the process and when the child comes home. Don’t isolate yourself or allow bitterness to settle in your heart towards those who don’t understand or who are not supportive.  This will be the same community you raise this baby in, so start building it now.

5. Keep a record of your process. Whether it is a journal or a blog. Make sure you document all the growth you experience as you adopt. Keep a timeline of the steps you have completed and the money that has come in. After everything is said and done and your baby is sleeping in her warm bed, safe and peaceful, this record will be your testimony of God’s unfailing love and provision,  this will be your testimony.

I only have 5 points for now. I’m sure that in about 18 months this list will be much longer. Stick with me and watch us get there!!